Well douche your snatch and let's go!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
