Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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