Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
