I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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