Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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