she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
only you would photoshop your dick
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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