just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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