I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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