I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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