I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
