I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
