youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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