Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
