You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
