Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
