like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
