And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
