Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
