Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
