Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
