just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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