I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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