If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
