I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
