I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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