im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My apartment stinks of burning failure
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
