hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
