I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
