If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
