College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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