hotel room ftw
what day is it and did you see me today?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
