well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
