May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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