I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
