I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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