I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
