I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
