who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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