explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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