Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
