No, drunk sperm still make babies.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
