Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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