the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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