I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
