last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
