So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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