TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
