Buhtt sex?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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