I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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