my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
