I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
