it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
